Earlier this year, W got me into fishing. (Yes, I have been fishing. I can hardly believe it myself.) I haven’t been fishing since I was about 6 or 7 years old. The 1st time we went; he baited the hook with earthworms and helped me get untangled from the braches and such at the edge of the pond.
LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE 2ND TIME AROUND… MUCH MUCH different.
(Believe me!!)
While we were making plans to go fishing, W informed me that I was going to bait my own hook. I was not too thrilled about this. I was thinking… OMG, I have to touch a slimy worm and get dirty and blah blah blah. After I thought about it (to myself of course) I watched him bait the hooks the 1st time around so how hard can it be, right? Right!!
Ok… we go to the pond. He hands me the cup of worms and heads down the bank of the pond. He’s still in sight. I start jostling the dirt around looking for the worms. I poured some dirt into my hand. Thinking that maybe there was too much dirt for me to see them. I tipped the cup sideways. The clumps of dirt moved. I hollered! THERE THEY WERE!! Yes, I know that I was looking for worms. But they were several all together and they freaked out when the dirt moved away from them. (They freaked out...as in started swirling and trying to get deeper into the dirt. Like they knew that they were bait or something.) I guess they’re smarter that I gave them credit for… that will teach me. I tried to grab the smallest one of the bunch. This was not easy because these worms, every single one, were HUGE!! I grabbed one and he started freaking out. I could hardly keep my fingers on him. I was thinking to myself, how in the world do I get this thing on the hook?? I decided that I was the “boss” and I was going to get this worm on the hook. It was completely grossed me out to try to get the worm on the hook!! I finally got the dang thing on there. The whole process probably took about 10 or 15 minutes. I cast. (Did I happen to mention that I had to cast into the wind??) The baited hook went about 3 feet in front of me. I knew that wasn’t far enough out, especially with the wind blowing so hard and the hook was already starting to drift. (This probably meant stuck in the crud around the bank, IF it wasn’t already.) So I reeled the line back in. And guess what?! The you-know-what worm was gone!! I could hardly believe my eyes. I knew that W was watching me. Being a girl, I’m thinking… this is a test of patience… hold your temper… stay calm… breath deep… hook another worm.
I had to stop right there. I’m actually telling myself that I am going to hook a freaking worm… GROSS!! Honestly, I was soooo pissed!! I was pissed that baiting the hook took so long the last time… I was pissed that I had to wrestle with yet another worm… I was just plain pissed off. I didn’t let it show. I decided to suck it up… my pride NOT the worm.I went threw the entire process yet again that took just as long as the previous time. I won’t bore you with all the details again. Long story short… HA HA!!... I cast again. Guess what?! Same damn thing happens. The effin’ thing goes out about 2 or 3 feet and starts drifting back into the shore. I was on the edge of just casting with no freaking worm and just hang out until W was finished. Then again, that would be the easy way out, right?! At this point, we had been out there for a while and I knew that it wouldn’t be much longer.
ONE MORE TIME…. Find the worm… bait the hook… cast. It was a shorter process this time around. Whoo-hoo!! The worm stayed on!! YIPEE!! I casted the hook a few times more with no bites. I was disappointed that I didn’t get a bite. At least, I tried my best.
You wanna know the ironic thing… when we were finish fishing, the worm wouldn’t come off of the you-know-what hook!! WTF?!?!
Thursday, October 4, 2007
I ACTUALLY TYPED IT!!
Lately, I have been thinking more and more about marriage. More than I have ever thought about marriage in my life. I grew up in an upper-middle class family with all the issues that go along with it. I was never the girl who believed in the fairytale wedding and knight-in-shining-armor husband, etc. As much I would love to be the hopeless romantic, it’s just not realistic. There are SEVERAL reasons why I believe that… however, the more time that I spend with Wes. The more I realize that’s what I want. I want to be married to him. (OH…. MY… GAWD!! I ACTUALLY TYPED IT. I cannot believe that I actually typed it!!) I can’t really say anything because that’s what I want.
A few months ago, I was pen-pals with a solider in Iraq. We became fast friends. Our emails were about anything and everything. We talked about our favorite things, our pet-peeves, our fears, and what makes us happy. I started to think about one email in particular. He was wondering why I have never been married or engaged or even asked. (Well, I was asked once without ring and it was never bought up again. So therefore it doesn’t count.) He asked me, “What is your definition of a good wife?”
So here it is:
I think that it's not only what makes a good wife but a good marriage. I believe marriage should be a safe haven for expressing hopes and fears, anger and frustration, smiles and tears. I would not betray my husband emotionally. I would risk letting my partner see who I really am. No, matter what. Take responsibility for my own mental well being and expect my husband to do the same. Don't blame the other party if you feel worthless. Share our feelings: "I feel hurt when..." "I am afraid when..." "I think you are saying I'm worthless when you say... “I think a good wife should be ready to talk. Silence can be worse than anger. Of course, there are also times to contain yourself, as well. It’s just as important be ready to listen. Argue fairly. Never say anything that you really don't mean. I want my husband to be a different person from me, with different attitudes and some different values. I'll be a good wife b/c I would sacrifice some of my own personal pleasures and desires for the good of the marriage. I'm willing to accept that some things I don't like about my husband will never change. Respect each other (or, at least, find things to respect in each other). Recognize that there will be stressful times, and rise to the challenge of managing those times. Understand my needs and my husband's needs. Understand the marriage's needs. Then negotiate compromises that take care of both of myself and the marriage. Be ready to think with an open mind about myself, my husband, and our relationship. Try hard to understand what drives me. Work toward a shared understanding of these things. Develop a shared understanding of each other's families (and prior marriages), and how they shaped us. Be a good mother and despite children and work, save a little time for each other each week. Be flexible. I may have to change my opinions or lifestyle in response to changing needs of my husband, or to changes in the world around me. Be honest. Be delicate and diplomatic and sensitive, but also be direct and honest as often as possible. Be physically affectionate. Hug, kiss and touch - OFTEN!! Be faithful. An affair, especially a continuing one, can undermine the openness that is essential for a good marriage. Be willing to forgive. Share fun, interests, and friends. Have a lively sense of humor. Nurture and support each other. Most of all, I believe you must care for each other and for the marriage.
Some of these ideas may seem fairytale or hard to obtain. In seeing marriages both fail and succeed, there is one thing that is painfully obvious. You have to work every single day to make your marriage work. Some days are harder than others. The hard part is what tells you how strong you and your relationship are. The easy days are just icing on the cake of a wonderful life.
A few months ago, I was pen-pals with a solider in Iraq. We became fast friends. Our emails were about anything and everything. We talked about our favorite things, our pet-peeves, our fears, and what makes us happy. I started to think about one email in particular. He was wondering why I have never been married or engaged or even asked. (Well, I was asked once without ring and it was never bought up again. So therefore it doesn’t count.) He asked me, “What is your definition of a good wife?”
So here it is:
I think that it's not only what makes a good wife but a good marriage. I believe marriage should be a safe haven for expressing hopes and fears, anger and frustration, smiles and tears. I would not betray my husband emotionally. I would risk letting my partner see who I really am. No, matter what. Take responsibility for my own mental well being and expect my husband to do the same. Don't blame the other party if you feel worthless. Share our feelings: "I feel hurt when..." "I am afraid when..." "I think you are saying I'm worthless when you say... “I think a good wife should be ready to talk. Silence can be worse than anger. Of course, there are also times to contain yourself, as well. It’s just as important be ready to listen. Argue fairly. Never say anything that you really don't mean. I want my husband to be a different person from me, with different attitudes and some different values. I'll be a good wife b/c I would sacrifice some of my own personal pleasures and desires for the good of the marriage. I'm willing to accept that some things I don't like about my husband will never change. Respect each other (or, at least, find things to respect in each other). Recognize that there will be stressful times, and rise to the challenge of managing those times. Understand my needs and my husband's needs. Understand the marriage's needs. Then negotiate compromises that take care of both of myself and the marriage. Be ready to think with an open mind about myself, my husband, and our relationship. Try hard to understand what drives me. Work toward a shared understanding of these things. Develop a shared understanding of each other's families (and prior marriages), and how they shaped us. Be a good mother and despite children and work, save a little time for each other each week. Be flexible. I may have to change my opinions or lifestyle in response to changing needs of my husband, or to changes in the world around me. Be honest. Be delicate and diplomatic and sensitive, but also be direct and honest as often as possible. Be physically affectionate. Hug, kiss and touch - OFTEN!! Be faithful. An affair, especially a continuing one, can undermine the openness that is essential for a good marriage. Be willing to forgive. Share fun, interests, and friends. Have a lively sense of humor. Nurture and support each other. Most of all, I believe you must care for each other and for the marriage.
Some of these ideas may seem fairytale or hard to obtain. In seeing marriages both fail and succeed, there is one thing that is painfully obvious. You have to work every single day to make your marriage work. Some days are harder than others. The hard part is what tells you how strong you and your relationship are. The easy days are just icing on the cake of a wonderful life.
Decision: Happy
On Saturday after an arguement with W, I thought about something he said. He asked me if I ever had a good day. I started to think about it. I couldn't remember the last time that I had a good day. So I made a decison... I'm going to be happy.
However, my thoughts is this... Is it a hard to do? Or it is just as simple as to say, I'm going to be happy and then tada, you're that way? I don't like letting so much of the little stuff bother me. I don't like getting bent out of shape about nothing. I don't like other people's issues with me or with whatever influence my moods. I have been blessed enough to never really want for anything that I really needed. I have been blessed with a fabulous daughter, loving boyfriend who happens to be my best friend, great parents, and supportive hilarious friends. So why shouldn't I be happy? I guess I'll find out how easy it is.
Promise to keep you updated.
Take care!
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