I ACTUALLY TYPED IT!!

Lately, I have been thinking more and more about marriage. More than I have ever thought about marriage in my life. I grew up in an upper-middle class family with all the issues that go along with it. I was never the girl who believed in the fairytale wedding and knight-in-shining-armor husband, etc. As much I would love to be the hopeless romantic, it’s just not realistic. There are SEVERAL reasons why I believe that… however, the more time that I spend with Wes. The more I realize that’s what I want. I want to be married to him. (OH…. MY… GAWD!! I ACTUALLY TYPED IT. I cannot believe that I actually typed it!!) I can’t really say anything because that’s what I want.



A few months ago, I was pen-pals with a solider in Iraq. We became fast friends. Our emails were about anything and everything. We talked about our favorite things, our pet-peeves, our fears, and what makes us happy. I started to think about one email in particular. He was wondering why I have never been married or engaged or even asked. (Well, I was asked once without ring and it was never bought up again. So therefore it doesn’t count.) He asked me, “What is your definition of a good wife?”



So here it is:



I think that it's not only what makes a good wife but a good marriage. I believe marriage should be a safe haven for expressing hopes and fears, anger and frustration, smiles and tears. I would not betray my husband emotionally. I would risk letting my partner see who I really am. No, matter what. Take responsibility for my own mental well being and expect my husband to do the same. Don't blame the other party if you feel worthless. Share our feelings: "I feel hurt when..." "I am afraid when..." "I think you are saying I'm worthless when you say... “I think a good wife should be ready to talk. Silence can be worse than anger. Of course, there are also times to contain yourself, as well. It’s just as important be ready to listen. Argue fairly. Never say anything that you really don't mean. I want my husband to be a different person from me, with different attitudes and some different values. I'll be a good wife b/c I would sacrifice some of my own personal pleasures and desires for the good of the marriage. I'm willing to accept that some things I don't like about my husband will never change. Respect each other (or, at least, find things to respect in each other). Recognize that there will be stressful times, and rise to the challenge of managing those times. Understand my needs and my husband's needs. Understand the marriage's needs. Then negotiate compromises that take care of both of myself and the marriage. Be ready to think with an open mind about myself, my husband, and our relationship. Try hard to understand what drives me. Work toward a shared understanding of these things. Develop a shared understanding of each other's families (and prior marriages), and how they shaped us. Be a good mother and despite children and work, save a little time for each other each week. Be flexible. I may have to change my opinions or lifestyle in response to changing needs of my husband, or to changes in the world around me. Be honest. Be delicate and diplomatic and sensitive, but also be direct and honest as often as possible. Be physically affectionate. Hug, kiss and touch - OFTEN!! Be faithful. An affair, especially a continuing one, can undermine the openness that is essential for a good marriage. Be willing to forgive. Share fun, interests, and friends. Have a lively sense of humor. Nurture and support each other. Most of all, I believe you must care for each other and for the marriage.



Some of these ideas may seem fairytale or hard to obtain. In seeing marriages both fail and succeed, there is one thing that is painfully obvious. You have to work every single day to make your marriage work. Some days are harder than others. The hard part is what tells you how strong you and your relationship are. The easy days are just icing on the cake of a wonderful life.